How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
