He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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