OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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