I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
