someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
