So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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