who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
