Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
