hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
