who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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