This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
