If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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