I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
