If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
