it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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