farters have to be the big spoon...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
