i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's like heaven, but drunker
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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