I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
