hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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