i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
