You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
