True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ttyl tear gas
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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