One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
