How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
