He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
