Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
