She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
