Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
