just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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