I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
