Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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