my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
