The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
