its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
