I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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