It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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