for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
