he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
