I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
