Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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