Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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