Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
