I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
