So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
