I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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