cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
