I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
