By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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