thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
