I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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