..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
