ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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