I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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