is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
